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The Crucifixion Re-enactment.

Background.

Long ago near the sands of Jerusalem Annex, there lived a longhair. But he was not just any longhair. He was a jewish longhair. Due to his refusal to cut his hair and take a bath, the Sanitorium Administration of the Roman Empire decided to make an example of him for all the longhairs living on the sands of Allah. So, on Good Friday, 33 Anno Domini, Poncho Pilot sacrificed the longhair to the Semitic god Molach by strewning him upon a cross (or a stake as the Jehovah's Witnesses maintain) and pelting him with small children. But the longhair's death served only to make him the ultimate martyr for all longhairs who would annoy the Roman Legionaires with their incessant bongo drumming.

The Re-enactment.

The martyrdom of the Great Longhair seemed to be a perfect example of a government acting irrationally. The Order of Ten-Fat-Tigers has long maintained that longhairs should just be tarred and feathered, thus they thought to utilize the symbolism of a sinner being killed for his way of life.

On September 25, 1996 the Order commenced with a ceremony of whipping their own Longhair, Anders Carlson. Carlson, labeled the "King of the Badgers" was placed in underwear and forced to wear a crown of pencils upon his head, carry his own cross while being whipped by Roman (ASM-Student Government) soldiers. Following him was Mr. Granby reading off the sins of Carlson and the Ten-Fat-Tigers exemplifying how the ASM and the UW Administration would not tolerate his attempts to appease the students. "You tried to give the students nap time! You tried to give them free beer!" Granby bellowed down the street.

Upon reaching the campus' Library Mall, the cross was set up and Carlson was placed upon it. The soldiers continued to whip him while Granby gave a flamming oration [text] on the sins of the Ten-Fat-Tigers. As the crowd of onlookers and jeerers inflated, a few young boys emerged with wet tissue paper and straws in hand. While Carlson suffered for his sins upon the cross, the young boys added to his public castigation by firing numerous salvos of spitballs at his chest. Carlson could do nothing but wail in his agony and beg for forgiveness. He also severely beat one of the young boys later on.

The crowd was filled with joyous supporters as well as ignorant onlookers who were appalled at the scene. A few longhair supporting credit-card girls from New York were especially shocked. When one girl was about to take one of the TFT flyers being passed out, another slapped her hand away, saying, "Don't touch that! It's bad!" Another girl refused to take a flyer with the argument, "I don't want that. I don't understand this!" and walked away with pride in her step.

Ten-Fat-Tigers is for the masses.

SEE:

(UNDER CONSTRICTION)
The man on the cross and the "Romans" [33k]

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