1. Ruling Committee:
2. Regional Manager:
3. Shift Manager:
4. Night Manager:
5. Prep-Cook:The High Council
Emily Reigel
Kevin Rhodes
Nick Toft
Lara Liv Nelson
SEE: PRESS PHOTO [32k].
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In October of 1996, The Associated Students of Madison (ASM), the campus' student government, held a mid-year election to fill vacancies on the council. Ten-Fat-Tigers launched an impressive campaign that began a month ahead of time with a symbolic crucfixion of the "King of Students" at an outdoor mall. Drawing immidiate attention to themselves, playing themselves up in the local student and city papers and taking out a pre-school, the event was quickly followed up with an even more bizzare one. For the second campaign stunt a mock revolution and hanging overthrew a fake council representative and a new campus order under TFT was proclaimed. With all the attention, even though still up against formitable odds, the TFT finally got a member elected to the ASM council for a term of 8 months. Bastards. The new representative was the co-founder, primary orator and Exhalted Cyclops of the Order of TFT, Benjamin Granby. As he rose to take his new position among the other 30 straight-laced council members, he pledged to pull a different stunt at each meeting. He also promised to finally begin issuing some legislation that would finally address some important issues. The first was to have Granby be granted the honorary title of 'Emperor'. The vote was a close one, and Granby no doubt would have claimed the title if only the council had voted the other way. The one piece of legislation that Granby did succeed in getting passed by a one vote margin stated that the ASM stood in objection to any incursions upon Finland's borders by Russia. "I thought it was time we finally entered the international arena," Rep. Granby commented. In the srping of 1997, a few other members of the burgeoning order were additionally elected to the UW's student government. They were propelled into office by two successive staged events, including a re-enactment of the Jonestown Massacre and a chain-gang choir. These three added members bolstered the reputation of the Order as a secret society not to be taken lightly in Madison. The new representatives were Chairman Vinh Bui, Grand Warlord Mat Falkowski and BeastMaster Bill Cooke. They were, respectively, a masogenist, a drunk and a pedophile (honest!). Additionally, the Order began the initial mustering of its militia wing commanded by El Jefé, Grant Farago. Unfortunately, other members of the order did not fare so well. The Vicar of Christ, David Schnell, having lost three successive attempts at election suffered a complete mental breakdown. He presently may be found huddled naked in a closet [VIEW], muttering words of praise to his rabbit-torso collection. In October 1997, the irreverent Nick Edwards was also elected to a position on the Student Council. Nothing much happened after that. Mr. Granby merely succeeded in running an ASM committee into the ground. And, in the latest "election" (as these Athenian Despots like to call them), nine TFT members were elected to the Student Council. This being the most ever. But who really gives a shit anymore? |
The Talmud of The Order of Ten-Fat-Tigers should be published, within the next 8 years, courtesy of the drunkards at Garret County Journal. The Talmud would have featured a compilation of TFT Scriptures, political manifestos and other assorted misanthropy. But it will never see the light of day. Keep in mind that the Order can be a source of friction as much as an object of affection.
Indeed, once the City of Madison has been seized, our operatives elsewhere will hail the Great Signal for the call to action. The Bellowing Honky shall herald the new epoch of tranquility for these United States. All post-transistor technology will be smashed, all lepers will be flogged and glory shall reign over the heads of all simians.
FEATURING: Fingering
Juvenile Pursuit
Solitary DrinkingAw Shit Bitch
Strategic Bombing Day
WaylayingHorticultural Dissent
Misappropriation
Recalibration